Anitta Reveals Struggle with Identity Crisis Over Her Pop-Star Persona

Before Anitta became a global sensation, she could be Larissa de Macedo Machado offstage. Then, as her star continued to rise, she found that Anitta was creeping into her everyday life.

In her newly released Netflix documentary Larissa: The Other Side of Anitta, the Brazilian star opens up about the struggle to balance her stage persona (Anitta) with the real her. At one point in the documentary, Anitta reaches her wits’ end.

“Three shows in a f—ing row. Different countries. I’m dying. I want to cry,” Anitta, 31, said in the film. “I wanna die.”

One month later, Anitta breaks down in tears in her hotel room as she’s having a conversation with a producer.

“It’s very complicated man. It’s really hard. As I said, it’s like, I hear one side then the other side comes and ‘Boom!’ Instantly. It’s like my body doesn’t know how to be at peace. And I can’t take it anymore,” the “Envolver” singer said of her Anitta persona.

“Every time I see somebody that knows who Anitta is, but I’m not close to that person, I become Anitta. That triggers me and I become the character,” she continued. “I don’t want to become the character all the time!”

Further explaining, Anitta said she “used to have control” over her persona. As time went on, however, she started to lose it.

“Now that everybody knows me, I don’t have any control and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand not being able to control when I’m turning into the character,” the “BELLAKEO” singer said.

“I just want to bury it all. It’s impossible for me to keep giving as much as I did. I can’t take it anymore. I simply can’t,” she added.

After this moment, Anitta embarked on a life-changing spiritual trip to Nepal where she pondered if reaching the highest point was “worth it” as she hiked.

“That day felt exactly as I did in my career. I wanted to rest. I was feeling extremely sick, tired. But the people around me have such a clear image of Anitta in their heads,” she said. “The one that never gives up. That exhausts herself to the last drop of energy. To be the biggest, to go to the top, to achieve more and more and more that they couldn’t believe it.”

In Larissa: The Other Side of Anitta, the star “reveals her most intimate world yet in this documentary that explores her dual identity, personal struggles and search for joy,” according to the description.

The “Downtown” singer previously opened up about her Anitta persona to PEOPLE.

“Larissa is very private, very relaxed, very low key and very quiet. Anitta is the opposite: outspoken, exposing myself,” the singer told PEOPLE in 2023. “I think it’s two completely different people and I used to struggle with that.”

She added, “It [used to be] two sides of my brain fighting with each other. [Then,] I learned how to make them communicate.”

Larissa is out now.